Honesty Hour
on Sunday, November 20, 2011 @ 4:43 PM
I think I've been pretending for too long that this whole break up thing didn't hurt me. I showed everyone that Kevin and I breaking up was for the better and that I didn't care for shit. Yeah, well, I lied to everyone. Fuck man. I'm so bad with break ups. Give me a drink. Now. Or just let me cry. Either one. Because I've literally tried so hard to be strong this whole week.. (week and a half?) .. and just forget about him. I thought someone else could offer me so much more. Someone else can treat me better than he did. Someone can get to know me better than he did. Then I started to think, nobody in this world knows me better than Kevin does. No one, I don't think, can get to know me better than he did. Ask him anything about me and he can tell you. No doubt. What my favorite chocolate is (and there's not just one kind), what my favorite sports team is (lawl), what I do when I'm bored/mad (bad habit), what moment that will always ALWAYS make me burst out laughing, and most importantly, how I like my coffee. But yeah, anything about me.. He knows. Sure, someone can just come up and ask me what my favorite whatever is, but it's the fact that he never had to ask.. He was just always there to notice what my favorite thing was or how I react to things etc. There's just so much about being with a guy every day for a whole year. You just get to know each other and get... comfortable. I can never get comfortable with a person.. Seriously, I'll always feel like nervous around them and I really don't like that :$ Being best friends with Kevin first made everything so effortless and easy.
I'm really bad at this kind of spewing out my feelings kind of thing because I always end up not talking about what I wanted to. I even forgot what I was blogging about in the first place and started talking about what kevin knows about me. Weird.
K back on track, the point of this whole this is that I
am upset, and I just wanna be drunk and cry about everything. Just kidding.. But I really am upset and I never wanted any of this to happen. I thought he would be the guy that would be my legit best friend forever.. But obvs, I should've known how he treats his girls. How right after he breaks up with a girl he fucking goes right to the next one. Fuck man, I fucking knew everything. I should have known that he would get totally attached, how he was gonna be jealous, how it was gonna ruin everything.. I'm a people person, I like having friends and being friends with everyone, and I absolutely hate having to lose my friends or choosing over two people. I hate how he made me choose between him and another person. The hell? Why can't I be friends with both of you.. K there I go rambling about stuff again.
I guess I'm just scared that, yeah, I won't find someone better than him. Or well, I can
(OBVSSSSSSSS).
But I don't want anyone else.... Fuck man, there it is. The truth. K, I'm done. Bai.
Some side note thing: Let me tell you a little something about how my relationships go.. my first one, knew the kid in grade 8 and liked him since.. But we went out in grade 10. With Kevin, we were BEST FRIENDS since grade 9, obvs friends since grade 8, but we went out in grade 12. And that's it.. Pretty much I like to get to know the person before actually going out with them. Because I honestly don't like the whole giddy feeling kinda shit you get when you first go out with someone that you barely know ... I don't know why.. I like being comfortable with a person because.. I'm self concious? I dunno luls, embarrassing. So fuck all you people who think I'm just some slut that moves on to the next guy right away, no, I'm not like that at all.
Labels: embarrassing, pissed, rant, sad, scared
- - - - -- --- - - -- --- - - - - -- - - ---- - - - - -- - - - -
& I'm f'real, Monica - Nanz
0 commented & didn't creep !
